The case studies were boring to read and I got quite annoyed with how Hendel described her therapy sessions starting every sentence (in dialogue with) "I hear you are ___" and the blank would be, word-for-word, whatever the client had said in the line above. This book may be useful for those who lack even the slightest bit of self-awareness but I am not that person. The book is filled with exercises to develop our innate abilities of observation and mindful awareness to become more in touch and accepting of our core emotions. Hilary Jacobs Hendel is a psychotherapist in private practice in New York and a clinical supervisor with the AEDP Institute.

Try other activities that lower anxiety: Cook, play music, stretch or do yoga, make something artistic, read a good book, watch something funny or sad on TV, take a warm bath, make yourself tea, take a walk, masturbate, or meditate.Focus on sensations of anxiety: Tune in to the physical sensations of your anxiety, like a quickly beating heart or butterflies in your stomach. He could barely bring himself to speak, and his voice, when I managed to get anything out of him, was meek. This takes courage because if you are rejected when being vulnerable, shame wants to kick in but courage and confidence in one’s worth can counteract that. In the book, Jacobs explores how she the “Change Triangle” to identify defenses (behaviors used to block core/inhibitory emotions), inhibitory emotions (shame, guilt, anxiety) that prevent us from fully experiencing our core emotions (anger, sadness, fear, disgust, joy, excitement, and sexual excitement) which would allow us to then enter a state of openheartedness. Peppered with powerful real life examples of her patients and even her own struggles, the change triangle is shown in action again and again.

I’ve also read other therapy books where the example cases are far more illuminative and helpful than those given here.For me, well, I found some of it helpful, and I can use those parts, which is what - in my opinion - self-help books are good for. This is a must read for anyone who has emotions, and especially for anyone suffering from depression and anxiety. Couch features essays by psychotherapists, patients and others about the experience of therapy — psychoanalysis, cognitive behavioral therapy, group therapy, marriage therapy, hypnotherapy or any other kind of curative talk between people behind closed doors. If my mind is not clear, am I aware of that so that I do not make important decisions until I am able to access more clarity? I'm writing some of my favorite parts here, but I'd still definitely re-read it to see the up close and personal applications of the triangle with different people.

To add to this, the author did mention something about trauma, but it's not the FULL ON/REAL DEAL trauma that some people expected when reading this book. Also, I thought the title of the book was a bit misleading and the book didn't follow up on its promise to examine issues and emotions that get mistaken for depression but are something else. healing change occurs as the patient forms new expectations for relationships based on the secure relationship with the therapist.As a social worker myself I like the way emotions and defense mechanisms are being looked at in this book. Often we feel shame (not good enough, worthless, incapable, flawed…) about think we have done something “bad”, a deed that is then connected to judgment towards ourselves and self-worth. Overall the book gives an interesting view into how to identify emotions and how to acknowledge them but not helpful for those with chronic mental illness issues, this seems like a book aimed at the neurotypical who are dealing with emotional issues for the first time.