If you want to be a person who is taken seriously and seen as a leader both in business and socially, you must learn how to communicate with a tone of certainty. The good news is it’s not that hard. You don’t have to become smarter, gain twenty years of experience, or achieve anything else first. You can just start doing it now. Speaking with certainty is just a pattern of voice tone and body language. I can honestly say without a doubt, that I am now the MOST assertive person I know, and I mean that with all the honesty in my heart. I feel powerful, in control, less anxious, happier, and I even stutter less lol. All those hangouts we did not want to attend and the amount of things we say yes to but secretly feel resentful about are mere signs that we are NOT GENUINE with our true needs and wants.

I'm at a point in my life where I'm doing a lot of inward reflection, and Not Nice was the ideal book for me right now. Not Nice is for people like myself who struggle to be assertive and direct and tend to take the more polite route, often at our own expense.

And it is honestly VERY easy now. I now say no to people with no guilt. This book teaches you how to do that. while this book is instructional — it offers a lot of exercises and action-steps to help you stop people pleasing, to speak up, and to be more authentically you — i think the most helpful part of it for me was the way it forced me to challenge my view of myself, my life, and my relationships. i journaled more while reading this than i have in literally years because i wanted to really engage with the material and i found so much hidden under the surface that i didn't even realize i was dealing with. more than that, with all the examples from the author's life, i felt like i could really make a change because he did that change first. he gave so much encouragement, so many kind words that i didn't know i needed to hear, and the combination of all of these things gave me the courage to really start changing myself and my life. (this sounds like an infomercial but i'm 100% serious yall!) It’s good to discover what I want It’s good to ask for what I want. It’s good to say what I want. It’s good to say what I don’t want. It’s good to be able to put myself first."

You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings, wants, desires, and needs. You do not have to meet everyone’s needs. You don’t have to do everything that someone wants you to do. You don’t have to do anything that someone wants, if it is not right for you. You’re not responsible for meeting their needs–they are. You doing something for them is just one possible way for them to meet their needs. If you say no, then it’s their responsibility to find a different way." I would have given this 3 stars and a more nuanced review but then I got to the part where he approaches a woman on her cell phone to ask her what she’s talking about. He did this as a dare/exercise in experiencing awkwardness. Honey, no. There are so many layers of why a man shouldn’t do this and it’s hard to imagine he’s not aware of them. Instead, his actions stated that his self-improvement was more important than her sense of safety. Context exists. You can choose to ignore it but that doesn’t make you bold and authentic; it makes you a bit of a jerk. But that's just the thing, you NEED to be willing to go through the discomfort. If you're not willing to do that, don't by this book. Honestly. But if you're willing to go through the discomfort, this book will absolutely change your life forever. I see the words "nice-guy" and it induces nausea and repulsion. Ok maybe not to that extent. But I definitely don't see "nice-guy" the same as I used to. Not at all.I'm going to fight my urge to be nice to critique this book. I will say the nice things first--I thought the exercises toward the beginning of the book were really useful and helpful. Especially the one about writing down all the rules that you've made for yourself that you feel bad about breaking and the one about trying to figure out exactly what you like and want. Ok. The not nice...

I have the right to share my perspective, even if someone might disagree or temporarily be uncomfortable. Are You Too Nice? If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say and “no and ” to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness. In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold, expressive, authentic version of you. You’ll discover how to: = and u003e Easily say and “no and ” when you want to and need to. = and u003e Confidently and effectively ask for what you want. = and u003e Speak up more freely in all your relationships. = and u003e Eliminate feelings of guilt, anxiety, and worry about what others will think. Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, and Feeling Guilty… And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself by Aziz Gazipura – eBook Details People will always have something to say about you. Even if you are the nicest person on earth (nice people already know this!) What do I want? What don’t I want in this situation? What do I prefer? What sounds good to me? Asking these questions will help you become more aware and connected with yourself. This is essential because chronic indecisiveness is a result of being disconnected or alienated from your true self." There’s a solid takeaway here for people who take on too much responsibility for the feelings of others, but I wonder if the advice within is really all that healthy. It’s based on (lengthy) personal experiences and anecdotes. You certainly might still get a lot from the book just by asking yourself questions as you listen, but I have a genuine question: Is there a book that provides the same self-reflection without the cringe? I’d be interested in that book.I have the right to say “no” to anything I don’t want to do, for any reason, without needing to justify it or give an excuse. This book gives you a new pair of eyes that you can never close. You see things you never saw before. You realize just how much people apologize for ANYTHING that doesn't warrant an apology.

I have the right to offer anything to anyone, any number of times (and they have the right to say no). I have the right to change my mind; I do not always need to be logical and consistent.I have also given more than I take and have said “yes” to things I really wanted to say “no” to just to appease another person and be helpful.